In the traditional view of marriage, sex is viewed more as a man’s pleasure and a wife’s duty. But God, in His creative design of the woman, refutes this belief by giving females a sexual body part—the clitoris—that has absolutely no purpose other than to give her sexual pleasure. It is much like the penis in that it is a bundle of nerve endings that become engorged when stimulated. Interestingly, the male counterpart—the penis—has several other functions since it is also how a man urinates and makes babies. Realizing that God gave the clitoris to women solely for sexual pleasure invites husbands and wives to enjoy sex.
Neuroscience teaches us that the male brain is wired to be extremely visual. This wiring in the nucleus accumbens resides in the back of the brain. It controls things we don’t consciously think about like digestion and breathing. Clinical studies teach us that this part of the brain lights up in a man when he sees a sexual image, like his wife getting out of the shower. When the nucleus accumbens lights up, he will most likely experience a primal, physical urge to sexually “consume” what he sees. This is why men have many more sexual thoughts than women, and why sexual self-control is typically a man’s battle. In order for a woman to compassionately understand her husband, she must know that sex means so much more to him than that initial desire to “consume” what he sees. Men report that just having sex isn’t enough—it isn’t satisfying unless their wives want them as well.
Females are just as sexual as males, but they travel a different route. The females’ sexual pathway is more leisurely than the racetrack of male sexual desire. When a woman sees an attractive male, the nucleus accumbens typically stays dark and, instead, the cortical centers ignite and a woman thinks, What a handsome man—that’s it. Women don’t usually have an automatic sexual response like men do.
Typically, sex is more of a choice for a woman who has been married for a few years, or after she has her first child. In the early stages of a couple’s sex life, the oh-la-la-I-want-you impulses may reign, but it is normal for her desire to slip into sexual neutrality. At this point, arousal begins after making the decision to engage with her husband.
It is important to understand that men and women are wired very differently. God did this on purpose—it’s part of His design and plan. Let’s celebrate those differences and make room for them. Let’s let one another off the hook and begin to really enjoy one another.
Sex is an important part of married life and God wants it to be a sweet and satisfying part of your marriage. He’s inviting you to play in its waters, uninhibited. If that’s not where you and your spouse find yourselves, get help, but get the right help. It might start with prayer. Perhaps you’ve never asked God to enliven your sex life. Invite Him into the bedroom. This is His idea, after all. He will redeem it to be all He created and designed it to be.
Thought Bomb: Have you asked God to make your sex life fun, playful, erotic, and passionate?